something about an ex that

上一篇 / 下一篇  2017-12-22 14:31:20

No, of course you wouldn't dream of turning the air blue with strong statements about hurt and disappointment. But you might well have wondered how your love could be wasted. What kind of a world is it where 'the power of love' - strange how the topic lends itself to song titles - is not paramount; where, contrary to what Beverley Knight sings, you can love in vain.

The thing is, for as long as you choose to see love as both mystery and miracle, blind passion and the magic word that sanctions our choices (including the most self-indulgent behaviours), you will believe - despite all evidence to the contrary - that 'love conquers everything'.

But just suppose that there is a Love Superhighway, just like the Wealth Superhighway. Just like the Wealth Superhighway, the Love Superhighway has 4 lanes. "It has??!", you exclaim in amazement. Yes, as of right now, it has. They are:

Equity

Property

Minding Your Own Business

Managing Your Passions

Notice that the Emotional Lottery has no more place in the Love Superhighway than the National Lottery does in the Wealth Superhighway. The point is, it's all about choosing your investments. If you choose to channel your emotional capital into company with a bad track record and poor management, for whatever reason, the chances are you'll lose it.

But does that mean your love was in vain, or was it more an attempt at alchemy - and control? Were you using your emotional capital to try and make a poor bet into a blue chip relationship? There's nothing wrong with playing the Emotional Lottery; provided you know that's what you're doing.

So back to the 4 lanes of the Emotional Superhighway.

Equity is the capital you invest in the relationship. For your capital to grow, not only do you have to invest it well in the first place, but if keep yanking it out on a whim, you'll end up making big losses.

Property When you enter into a relationship, you both bring emotional property to the table; anything from a scuzzy terrace to a glorious mansion. From these beginnings you can develop a shared portfolio? or not. And you can maintain and refurbish the property as necessary? or let it run down.

Minding your own business means maintaining your own boundaries and respecting your partner's otherness. Ok, it may be much easier to mind your partner's business - all of the fun and none of the responsibility - but it will put huge strain on interpersonal relations.




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